Story Time: Need some SCA input (Punkadyne Labs (Punkwalrus))

I was telling someone this story today, and decided I wanted some verification of the facts. This is about a man who was either a member of the SCA or hung around SCA folks back from around 1988-1991. His real name might have been "Alan," and his fan name I was told was "Lord Darksilver" or something like that. Three of my regular readers I *know* have heard of this guy, because they tipped me off to him back in 1991, with a very strong warning: this man is very bad and wanted by the police.

Let's start this tale near the end of my career dealing with weapons and cutlery.

In 1991, Chesapeake Knife and Tool was unlike a lot of retail companies during the Recession under George Bush the Elder. We were doing well, 40% over the previous year's sales. We were so successful, we opened up a store in Landmark Mall. It was out first "super store." It was a financial flop, and the first of a series of events where the company panicked, and financially we slid down in the gutters with the rest of specialty retail at the time. The company started to do cost-cutting measures that were both primitive and not very well thought out.

I am skipping a lot here, but one of the things they did was to replace all their higher paid salespeople (like me) with much lower wage people who would work on commission. I did not know this, since I was just told I would be in charge of training a bunch of new folks for the super store.

One of them was a man named Alan. That may not be his real name, either because he lied or I have gotten some stories mixed up. But he'll be called Alan for the rest of this story.

Alan was a little sore on the eyes. He wasn't very tall, for starters. He wasn't a dwarf, but may have had a touch of Achondroplasia because while he had a normal sized torso, his legs seemed shorter than they should have been. We had a dress code at work, but he steadfastly ignored it, and wore shirts that were a little too big and shorts that went own past his knees. This made the illusion he was even shorter, like he had shrunk in his clothing. He had long, greasy hair that ended in sloppy curls. He also had a long, greasy beard that mixed with his hair around his chest, making his head look like it was disappearing into a thicket of black tangles. His face was greasy, too... giving him this dwarfish, greasy look.

He was also unpleasant to work with. He was bitter, non-talkative, and condescending. It was like talking to the less successful older brother of Gimli. The first day I met him, he said, "I don't like YOU, and I don't like your KIND!" This was before he even said, "Hello," which I don't recall if he ever said, "Hello." My "kind," apparently, was science fiction fandom. After spending a day with this clown, I was fairly confident he wouldn't last more than a week. We had hired employees like him in the past, and more often than not, they just stopped showing up to work once they realized we'd make them, you know, work and speak to customers. Alan also "corrected" me constantly with a slew of confusing redefinitions of what words I was using. It's a little hard to explain, but suppose you worked with someone like this:

You: So let me show you to the copier room--
Him: I doubt it's a copier.
You: Well, it copies things--
Him: No. It does not. It makes facsimile photostatic reproductions on a different medium.
You: Yes, but everyone calls it a copier, so--
Him: That doesn't make it correct, then, does it?
You: What would you call it, then?
Him: A photostatic reproduction procedure via mechanical automated system.
You: Nobody would know what you would be talking about. Just call it a copier.
Him: You're not very bright, are you? You always do what everyone else does?
You: Look, I am your boss--
Him: [under his breath] Not for long...
You: --just call it a copier.
Him: How can you call this a room when it only has three walls and no door?

And so on. I complained about him to management, assured in the fact he'd get let go like anyone else with this kind of problem. As assistant manager, I could fire people, but preferred to discuss it first. My boss said she wouldn't allow it, and wouldn't tell me why. The second week I worked with this guy, he interrupted me at some point and said:

"I'm here to replace you."

I ignored him, because I thought he just said that like any other mean statement he had made. I figured he was just being an asshole and trying to play with my moods. But long story short, he was right. He was there to replace me.

At some point, I forgot how or why I mentioned this to SCA friends, but I think Alan made some kind of comment he used to work with SCA people, and defined them constantly in a negative sense. But it wasn't the usual, "nerds, dorks, and losers in duct tape armor" comments I sometimes heard from outsiders, but more of a personal, "backstabbing liars, cheats, thieves, and scum of the Earth" set of comments that led me to believe he had some kind of incident with them. So I asked around.

Three readers of my blog here replied back over the following weeks. "Sounds like Lord Darksilver," they said. I think that was his name, maybe I am also getting that confused. One of them was alarmed, and wanted to know where he was working because apparently, he was wanted in a case of appraisal fraud. More details followed.

At some point, Alan either worked with, or claimed to be with, a jeweler. He also claimed to an appraiser. It was this that got him into trouble with the law. Apparently, one of his scams was to "appraise" jewelry, claim that it was fake, and then return a fake version of the ring or necklace or whatever, and then pawn the real one. Well, one woman lost a ring to him; her grandmother's wedding ring. Apparently, somehow she knew she had a fake given back to her after an extended delay. So she tried to get him arrested, and Alan vanished.

So I passed this along to my management, who laughed it off. Their response was a red flag something was not right, and long, long story short, I got laid off a month later.

Alan had replaced me, as he had either predicted, or I guessed had been told.

Generally, I have found, that those who piss me off or fuck me over in some way have bad things happen to them. All I have to do is be patient and wait. As a child, I always considered this a reward for not doing bad things since any attempt of revenge on my part often blew up in my face. As an adult, I consider this the natural process of karma, and this story is ripe with karma. For what would expect if you replaced a loyal and hardworking employee with a cheaper person who you looked the other way if they were fraudulent.

Months later, I visited my old manager (who was not supportive of losing me, and eventually quit), and she related this tale of misery from the store, and one of the reasons she was trying to find a new job. It turns out Alan was a craftsman at deceit.

One day, the store Rolodex vanished. This was an address book of sorts that had all our vendors and distributors numbers on them, along with account numbers and contacts. While half our stock was warehouse-bought and delivered via warehouse shipment, each store could order directly if they needed or were asked to. So losing this Rolodex was fairly alarming. After some frantic searches and interrogation of store staff, the Rolodex "showed up" behind the safe a few days later.

I am not sure if it's the same nowadays, but I suspect not much has changed when I say people who work in the field of knives and cutlery are a close-knit family of merchants. Especially the major distributors and manufacturers. One case I recall from those days was a local maker (Ace knives, I think) had his entire inventory robbed from his small warehouse one weekend. He called all his dealers and told them to be on the lookout for this lot, this batch, and some prototypes he hadn't sold yet. Everyone felt sorry for this guy. Even our company said we'd do our part, and not ask for our money back on stuff we hadn't gotten yet, and wait patiently for him to make more. Thus he was able to take out some loans while waiting for insurance money and rebuilt his business stock. Sure enough, within weeks of the theft, some dealers noticed at knife and gun shows a few of these knives showing up on tables. Some distributors and vendors volunteered their own resources for detective work (including ourselves) and eventually the thieves were uncovered and arrested. We looked out for our own.

So when some of the vendors got a series of large and unusual orders, they called us to confirm. Since we had recently opened a super store in Landmark, many assumed we were opening up another store in Mananas, but called to make sure since the stock ordered was not the kind of stuff we usually ordered, and certainly not with the Springfield account (it would have been under the warehouse account). Sure enough, we didn't. We called ALL our vendors, and checked to see if any orders had been placed for an address that turned out to be a Mailboxes Etc, a place that you could have shipments delivered to like a street address (unlike a Post Office Box, someone would always be there to sign for your packages). With the help of the local authorities, we set up a sting operation, and had over $6000 worth of traceable merchandise sent from one vendor. The police obtained a warrant, and found the box was owned by a person that will surprise no one who has read this far.

Alan.

On the day of delivery, the police set up outside the Mailboxes Etc and waited. Alan was working that day, and excused himself on his lunch break, saying he would be right back.

No one saw him again.

Somehow, he must have gotten wind of what was up, since he had moved out of the house he was renting a room from, and never came by to pick up the merchandise. Last I heard, they got an arrest warrant for him, but I don't know if they ever caught him or what happened to him.

It's been nearly 18 years since that incident. I have been kind of curious about that guy. I have assumed during all these years, he set up his scams in some other Renn Fest or SCA community. Perhaps he laid low for a while, and quietly started on the West Coast. Or maybe he eventually got caught and did some jail time. If he had to do jail time, I hope they at least Posted in: chesapeake knife and tool , fraud , retail , sca , work

Retail days (Punkadyne Labs (Punkwalrus))

It occurred to me today that every retail chain I ever worked for is now gone.

Crown Books. I worked there from 1987-1989 as a manager. The chain died under a flurry of controversy after scores of buyouts in 2001.

Chesapeake Knife and Tool. I was an assistant manager from 1989-1991. It quietly faded away after slowly dying in 2006.

Gamekeeper: I worked there one Christmas in 1991 or 92. It went belly up in 2003.

Cargo Furniture. I was a manager at the Springfield and the Tyson's Galleria store from 1993-1996 when I finally left to join the tech industry. Right after I left, there was huge political turmoil until it got bought out by Pier One Imports, then went online-store only, and finally died around 2004.

The only place I worked selling anything that is still up in Nancy's Buttons, which still tours the convention circuits. But that's a one-woman operation, mostly. I worked her table a variety of conventions for many years, and kind of think I'd like to do a few more if I could justify the cost of hotel and travel to do so :) Posted in: cargo , chesapeake knife and tool , crown books , gamekeeper , retail

Another random retail story (Punkadyne Labs (Punkwalrus))

I almost got fired once due to a shift change when I worked at Crown Books. I had a Saturday and Sunday off to see my fiancee in West Viorgina for the weekend. After I left early Friday. My boss had an emergency and scheduled me for Sunday in place of him, forgetting the fact I was out of town. Well, come Sunday, no one was there to open the store. We were closed all day, and the company couldn’t reach either one of us because I was in another state, and my boss was out of phone range (this was before people had cell phones).

I came to work Monday morning, and there was an entire crew of corporate people waiting for me. I thought it was a surprise audit, which we had once in a while, but there was also a set of “floaters” (people who don’t work at any one store, but sub for another store low on staff). I was told I was to be let go and why. I freaked out. I looked at the schedule, and saw my boss’s name had been erased and my name written in. I told them my side of the story, and after a lot of pleading, they agreed to wait until my boss came in. Either they were going to fire him or me, it seemed. That sucked, because I liked my boss. They were going to also fire our cashier who worked Sunday because he didn’t call the corporate office to tell them. Why couldn’t he? Phone numbers were in the store and there was a policy we weren’t allowed to copy them or take the “secret numbers” out of the store unless you were management.

Long story short, my boss took the heat, and nobody got fired.

Retail is weird. Posted in: crown books , retail , work

Random retail story - rounding figures (Punkadyne Labs (Punkwalrus))

I used to have this manager, let's call her "Linda." She was my first manager when I worked for Cargo Furniture. Linda had some issues. One of the issues I recall was "rounding by 3."

"In this company," she said, "we round by 3." This made no sense to me. Every other rounding I had ever done in my whole life was by 5. No, Linda wanted to do it by 3. She said the entire company did it, and was very upset I was questioning it.

One of the jobs I had was to call in the figures to the district manager. I would tell her the sales, and she would tell me what number to put in its place. Like I'd say, "Dining Room Pieces: 12,300" and she'd say, "erase that and put down 12,220." One day I asked her why she did this. "Because store figures are always off."

I was there barely a month when my store manager was demoted to a "penalty store." The new manager was going over how SHE wanted things done. I asked, "do you round by threes?" She was stunned and confused at the question. "NO! Who rounds by threes?" "The former manager..."

Apparently, this woman's sales had been off for the several years she had been a manager. The more money she made in something, the farther off the figures were. When I explained this was most likely because it was rounded by threes, the district manager gasped. "That explains everything!" So then I asked, "Why do we have to call in figures if you already have them?" I was told to shut up, that's just how it was. "How come no one stopped her?" I was told that's what just happened, wasn't it?

Later, when I was promoted and the DM because my direct boss, she confided in me that so many managers fudged their sales figures, it was a way of checking honesty. Linda's were just so constantly bad, however, that the DM would correct her, HOPING she would stop doing whatever she was doing.

The retail world is weird. Posted in: boss , cargo , retail , work

Naruto and computers (Punkadyne Labs (Punkwalrus))

I spent ALL of Sunday with CR. It was about time. Soon I won't be able to spend any time with him. He'll be working or at school, or in college, grown up, and then married with kids where I'll live in his basement as "crazy old grandpa."

I was right about his workplace; they are unstable. In fact, they keep calling him to come in and work. Various people flake or don't show up for the kind of crisis reasons a majority of retail workers have: low-income, poorly insured, and people who raised themselves as kids who may not have picked up the best worker ethic from their upbringing. I do include myself as one of those during my retail days. When you're an an office where people make $50k on up, rarely to you lose workers to something like people passing out due to lack of eating (done that), constant child care woes (been there), and their ex-boyfriend calling the office collect from jail (had employees do that). We were supposed to spend Sunday together, and he got a call to come in because someone was hospitalized. CR at first accepted, then declined because he had worked almost 6 days straight (including one day where he promised to sub for another worker, who wasn't on the schedule that week, but he had already clocked in before he was made aware of that). So we sat around and watched Naruto, which was our original plan, while I continued to shred, file, and search documents for my e-Trade info.

I also bit the bullet and tossed away some old computer friends after salvaging a few parts I wanted. A moment of respectful silence for:

- Alice: A 486/dx100 with 32mb RAM. A Dell LE that a friend fixed for a customer of his, and the guy vanished.
- Gryphon: A K5 586/133mhz with 64mb RAM. First box I ever built from scratch from assorted used parts.
- Keiichi: A P2/400mhz with 128mb RAM. First box I ever built from scratch out of brand new parts I bought myself.

Soon, also, to be retired to a scrap heap:
- Tweedledum: A dual P2/450 with 512mb RAM. Dell 3200 server. Actually, this was used as parts to fix its twin, Tweedledee, which later was renamed Malice, and that ran punklinux.net until last year when it was replaced by Lilo (Tweedledee is in someone's office right now, as a pet project)
- AtariST 1040. It's time to let go.
- Akira: 8088 XT with 3mb RAM, I think. A Compaq Personal III "luggable" I got at an Evecon computer room freebie table many years ago. The keyboard contacts grow a corrosive skin which prevents a lot of keys from working until you open it up and wipe it clean again.
- Belldandy: a P3/700mhz box with 128mb RAM. Posted in: computers , cr , five below , naruto , retail , work

Retail (Punkadyne Labs (Punkwalrus))

I will always attest that retail is not something that one chooses in life, but rather, something that happens to you. I mean, retail is fine for a first job, or maybe some extra Chritmas money, but in essence, retail can suck when you have no other options. I did almost 9 years of retail. I started out at a book store. After 2 months of getting laid off at my office job, I applied on Dec 7th, 1987 to Crown Book #803 in Mclean, Virginia. "I'll hire you if you can start right now," said an overworked manager. Busiest store in the chain at the busiest time of the year. But the time it was January, I did so well, I became manager of 854, Rose Hill, Alexandria and stayed there for over a year. After a terrible bank teller job that lasted all of 3 months, I worked as assistant manager at Chesapeake Knife and Tool in Springfield Mall for over two years before I got laid off again. In the next two years, I worked at Walden Books, B. Dalton, and the Gamekeeper part time for Christmas help. It wasn't until two years went by I had another steady job as an assistant manager at Cargo Furniture. I lasted 3 years there. Got promoted to manager in just 5 months. Ran Springfield Mall until they closed it, and ran Tysons II until I left to pursue a tech career.

I have to be honest, I fucking excelled in those jobs. I was overqualified in most cases, but I think it was my do-right attitude that helped me survive those years as a victor, and not a victim. And I learned a lot of life lessons in selling myself, dealing with random people, and generally getting rewarded for being a nice guy. It changed me from a gothic pessimist to a perky goth, actually. Even when I had bad bosses, I won in the end. I had some good teachers, too.

The whole time I worked retail, I passed this knowledge onto my son. I told him about all the customers, good and bad, and how I dealt with them. Most of my readers could tell the same stories from their retail lives. But somehow, it all stuck with him. he even repeated it back to me, cutting a long series of talks to short reviews of the subject matter.

For most of the summer, he's been applying to a chain called Five Below. It's like the Dollar store, but stuff is $5 and lower instead of $1 and lower. They sell a lot of overstock toys, candy, remainders, fashion accessories, and the like. He applied in person once, but didn't show up in interview clothes. I made him get some. He applied again a few months later. I had to push him pretty hard to get him to take the job thing seriously. I don't just want him to get a job because he needs spending money, he needs college money. I mean, we're trying for scholarships and funding and all, but every bit counts. After high school, he'll have a real trade skill: vet tech. He could get a job at any vet office that needs a tech when he's done, and not a lot of kids could claim that at 17 or 18. That's not a walk-in job, that's one of those things you have to have a certificate for, like security clearance. And if he decides to be a veterinarian, that's a great start. Most of the kids that start vet school are still in the "puppies are cewt!" frame of mind and leave after a year because "puppies die sometimes of very disturbing ailments with blood, pus, and oozing worms."

Finally, he got called back. Last week, he was told they hadn't hired him yet, they had to check his references, but to report to work Tuesday. When he called Monday to find out what time, the new manager ("I haven't met him yet") said, "Come now. I am all alone in the store until close." From what CR has told me, I am already picturing a retail store run amok with lack of staff, constant shuffling, a new manager... in short, very common for this area. When I worked at Cargo Furniture, I was a manager for nearly three years, and by the time I left, I was one of the top 10 employees who had managed to stay the longest. The average was a year and a half.

But today he told me of his recent days. How suddenly money becomes less valuable and becomes more like accounting vouchers. How people change their mind AFTER you ring them up. Strange store stock redesign from higher management ("Forget what we said last week, the candy section should now go HERE!"). So far, he loves his job. It's only been three days, but he's pretty enthusiastic. Posted in: cr , crown books , retail , work