how to drive a pregnant woman insane in 10 easy steps (Never melts (meef)) by jen

1. call her up and ask if she's scheduled those biophysicals yet.

What? I don't know anything about that. Oh, didn't the dr talk to you about it at your last appointment. Uh.. no. YOU were standing right there, too. Oh. Well I'll have him call you. After much mental bitching about questionable protocol at that office, The nice dr himself actually called me from his cell phone. 1x weekly biophysical profile, 1x weekly monitoring sessions. You have a ton of extra fluid in there, and we don't know why. Wouldn't this be something that might have been noted earlier than my last appointment, considering the ultrasound results came in on the 12th?

2. Let her google hydroamnios, scare crap out of herself in the process.

Hey, I have every symptom on this list, but no one put it together but this last guy? Where was he the whole time? I could kiss him. For acting like a doctor.

3. Keep her prescription hostage, forcing her to call all over creation to try to get it transfered or get a new one.

I have had trouble filling this prescription for 7 years now. When will it end? I called the pharmacy that holds it, who is out of stock "for the indeterminate future" and will not give it to me or allow it to be transfered to the supermarket pharmacy I go to now. Supermarket pharmacy chick snapped her gum in my ear and said there's squat she can do. Call the doctor, ask her to write a new one or call it in to supermarket pharmacy. Secretary says she'll do that.

2 hours later, secretary calls back and says some things I don't understand.

"can you please talk louder? I really can't hear you."
"I am talking louder."

(I swear I've had that exact conversation with that bitch before.)

"you can't get your drugz unless you go see the dr again." "but I had FOUR REFILLS left till I had to go in again." "I don't care, I'm just telling you what she said."

4. Insist the next available appointment isn't until November.

this is kind of important, and I'm out, having run out in the reasonable time I allotted for the refill to come in the mail. Can't you just call it in in the meantime?

5. No

6. Suddenly have an appointment available after pregnant woman throws a hissy fit which involves the words "I'm pregnant. I don't need this shit."

Tomorrow.

7. Act like a turd when asked to fax a referral to another doctor.

I mean, they wouldn't advertise that they have fax machines then, right? I was also informed that "normally this takes 3-4 business days, but I will do it for you JUST THIS ONCE, not in the future, okayyy?" You know how people say "okay" really slowly, like you're a brain damaged elephant who just peed on the floor "let's not do that again, okayyy?" I don't have the mental energy to really do anything about it so I just... laugh. Okay whatever.

8. Threaten to cancel newly assigned appointment if that referral isn't there "by the time I leave today."

"well, um, what time are you leaving?" "I don't know yet."

9. Inform patient she cannot under any circumstances let her referral go anywhere with anyone other than her, even her HUSBAND, for whom said office is conveniently on his way home.

sigh. morons.

10. Leave her to wonder whether prescription and hydroamnios issues are related. Posted in: addict , cranky , drugz , junkie , prego

I could be nesting, or you could be raging asshole. (Never melts (meef)) by jen

I think I have officially arrived at that cranky pregnant woman stage, where when other people whine to me that they can't wait for this baby to come out already makes me want to beat them to a bloody pulp and leave them for dead on the side of the road.

Why do people say that? Do they think they have an original thought? That they are the only ones who are excited? Or they all have their own selfish agendas that do not take into consideration the fact that I can barely stand up, and I can no longer sit without repositioning my belly, and if I choose to sit with my legs in the same state as each other I can't sit upright. But it's not like I can't wait, no, no... that can't be it.

I still have to do housework. The house is falling apart, sure, I'm doing the bare minimum. But I still have to cook for the children (spouse optional. he's big enough to cook for himself.) and I have to sort-of dress them and clean them off and stuff, and I have to run the dishwasher, bring the paper in, keep the mail from accumulating and clean up toys so I don't trip and die and stuff. So last night when I finally tripped over the dog's crate one too many times and announced to the husband that TONIGHT was the night he was moving those boxes to the attic, and wasn't taking any wimpy excuses from him; and decided to sit on the bed barking orders and folding the clothes that have accumulated up there over the past week; WHY is it that when it felt good to have my newly decorated room all nice and clean, do people just cutely tell me "ooh maybe you're nesting!"

I don't know why this bugs me, I have always generally hated when people think they know what I'm thinking and act all cute like this. Maybe I'll just ignore everyone who doesn't kiss my ass during this difficult time. And if I am indeed "nesting" and have a baby tomorrow night, then those people won't hear about it till later.

P.S. Do not taunt me and say "I'm annoying you, aren't I? Hee Hee!"

P.P.S. I do not know what I'm having. I am not hiding anything from you. If I were, I would say "I know what it is, but I'm not telling you, Hee Hee!!!"

P.P.P.S. I vacuumed last night, and I liked it! Until the end, when my back gave out. But the carpet has pretty lines on it now. Posted in: cranky , prego