Dumbass... the rules apply to you! (Punkadyne Labs (Punkwalrus))

Yesterday on the Metro, we had a mishap.

There's several signs around the escalators in English, Spanish, and even pictograms that tell you not to drag your strollers on the escalators. But this one woman decided that her stroller was too important to wait for the urine-smelling elevator.

The escalators were narrow, and I was in a rush to get on the platform before the train left. I tried to pass this woman and her stroller, which by the way was unoccupied: the toddler was right next to her. She cut me off, stopped to rearrange her huge tote bag at the head of the stairs, and then blocked the up escalator so no one could walk around her. Fine lady, whatever. But to let her know she blocked the "allow passing on the left" rule, I stood RIGHT behind her.

In retrospect, this wasn't very smart.

The worst thing one can do on a escalator is block the exit point. Not many people do, but usually they are people on cell phones who stop immediately where the stairs end, and then the assembly line of those who have no room behind them will pile up like a jammed conveyor belt until they have no choice but to push the "escalump" (as the ad campaign on the Metro called it) out of the way quickly. And that's just what this woman did.

But.

How she did it was something I am sure she didn't do on purpose. While exiting the top of the stairs, she tried to turn her stroller around so she could go off the stairs backwards, but the stroller JAMMED sideways across the walls of the escalator and stuck fast.

Of course, I was right behind her, and even The Flash wouldn't have been quick enough to unjam this device. Since the stairs were pushing me quickly forwards into the stroller at about shin level, I suddenly realized this wasn't going to end well. I tried to back up, but a bunch of commuters who were also in a hurry were right behind me. Quickly, I tried to leap over the stroller, but my foot caught on the fabric, and I was pitched forward into the grating where the vanishing stairs normally chew up people's loose shoelaces and flip flops like dozens of sets of dull scissors. The way I was falling, I pictured my hands breaking my fall... right on the sharp edges, where I would be fingerless for the rest of my life.

Thankfully, I managed to grab the railing in such a way that spun me around, and dragged me through her stroller. The stroller was made of some kind of plastic I think they make doll furniture out of, because as I spun backwards, it broke with several snapping noises. By this point, one of the commuters behind me grabbed me to keep me from falling while another ripped the broken stroller out of the way, and we all piled out quickly.

The woman was mildly apologetic, but it didn't help. And since the train was about to leave, I decided to grab it before I had to stand around for another 10 minutes and wait for the next one, awkwardly staring her down. I was unhurt, really. My shin was sore, but that went away by the time I got to my stop.

As the train pulled away, I saw a metro guard yelling at her. Good. Posted in: metro , stroller

The Metro today (Punkadyne Labs (Punkwalrus))

So, get this. I am a little groggy and I get on the Metro. It's pretty full on the car, and some guy did the "sit on the outer seat to discourage someone sitting next to me." So I asked if I could use that seat. Already, he gets off on the wrong foot by looking at me from head to toe, looking a little upset a fat guy wanted to sit next to him. But he relented.

I had charged my iPod this morning (I left it on by accident the first day of Balticon), and was untangling the earbuds when he took his hand, and put my hands down in my lap. He shook his head and said, "No radios."

"Without headphones," I said, pointing to the sign. The guy was an older man, probably in his late 40s, early 50s, with a buzzcut and wearing city fatigues. The badge over his pocket said, "Richardson." Now, I see guys like this a lot. Some military guys wear their combat dress instead of military dress to work because... well, I don't know for sure. I used to see them a lot at the Pentagon. I think anyarm told me her dad did this from time to time because it matched the dress code requirements at work, and were more comfortable than a suit. Maybe there are other reasons. But I have seen it all my life growing up here and it's pretty normal.

The man replied, "I don't want to hear your rap music while I am going to work." He was already pissed off about something else, I could feel it. Now, most of you know what I look like. I am a fat Swedish looking dude with facial hair. Not exactly a stereotype for listening to rap, but I will admit, I have been enjoying a recently free download of Ganstagrass, which is another topic for another entry (summary: very intriguing). I don't hate rap, but think most of it is pretty boring, whiny, self-congratulatory, and the urban form of "emo" at least half the time with a martyr upswing. But some of it is very clever and poetic, and the beats aren't too annoying. Anyway, I consider this accusation to be kind of funny, even though he was touching me to put down my little iPod shuffle.

I pulled out my music player from under his gentle hands, and continued to untangle them. "Luckily, it's classical today." [NB: really, it was techno and the Linux Action Show podcast, so I kinda lied] He put his hands on mine and forced them down. He said something I didn't quite hear, because he lowered his voice like someone talking to an errant child at a fancy party, but it sounded like he was saying, "Let's learn to commute like mature people," or something before going back to his newspaper.

Okay, NOW I am pissed off. I don't care if he just got his orders or whatever he was angry about, and so I said, "I'm Grig, by the way. I work in Silver Spring. Where do YOU work, Mister Richardson?" He replied to me something that sounded like, "I don't engage in idle conversation," with the tone to shut the hell up. I just kept going with small talk. He then asked me, louder, to stop talking to hear myself speak. "Then let me use my iPod, or else I will assume you want to speak. Choose one or the other."

People were staring at us. Some with music players.

He sighed aggressively. "Don't make me call the Metro police," he said, which was so... random, it was like a non-sequiter. I agreed. "Okay, we'll talk to one of them if that makes you feel any better." Well, he didn't like that answer one bit, and he finally tried to stare me down. I just replied back with a friendly, doe-eyed stare. He just stared, pushing his anger into me, and I just channeled it through the floor. When we stopped at Dunn Loring, he looked around, and got off, I guess looking for a Metro cop or something. Then I saw he just got on another car.

"Man, what an asshole," I heard someone say, and some giggled replies.

Does anyone else get these jerks on the Metro, or am I a magnet? Posted in: asshat , metro

Arg, need ride to Balticon! (Punkadyne Labs (Punkwalrus))

I had a ride to Balticon, but they canceled on me due to financial issues.

This is the deal, there's only me and two pieces of luggage. I can be picked up at any DC Metro station. I need to be there by Friday early afternoon.

Anyone going my way? Posted in: balticon , metro

Another fun day on the Metro (Punkadyne Labs (Punkwalrus))

Today was a terrible day on the Metro... for other people. I was okay, but feeling uncomfortable as this sunny weather and what I considered happy weather seemed to anger everyone on the way in this morning.

I am reading my book, when suddenly I hear a voice scrape across the air, "You know, other people don't want to hear your phone conversations." A quick glace showed a confrontation between two men. The man on the phone looked like a distinguished businessman with a very low voice; so low, I didn't even register he was on the phone even though he was maybe 3 feet away from me or less. That's the Metro for you. But sitting in a seat a foot away was the kind of guy you just want to punch on principle. An older guy with a bike helmet, a "Northern Face" jacket, shorts, and a messenger bag. But it wasn't how he looked that bothered me, but his patronizing tone to the businessman standing up in front of him.

The business man said something which sounded like a gracious apology, but the older man just kept talking like he was condemning an errant teenager who just said the F-bomb in front of his small children. "A lot of people have to share the Metro, you can make that call at some later time." I wanted to stand up and go, "What the FUCK? How would YOU know? He can use his damn phone all he likes, and I wasn't even aware he was talking until your irritating anal-control voice slithered into my ear like oily barbed wire." But I didn't. I am not sure what the man said next, because again, he had a quiet, low voice. But the old guy kept shaking his head, "No. NO. You can make that call outside the Metro. Now hang up that phone." The business man decided to do so rather than fight, but the old guy lectured him for another minute or so. It took me a while to calm down in sympathy. What a prick!

Then a little later, another guy started hassling this young woman sitting next to him. "Move your pointy elbows!" he said. The way he was sitting was seriously encroaching into her space because he had a rolling suitcase, a duffel bag, and was holding onto all of it instead of keeping it on the floor. The woman said something back, and his response sounded like, "Well, some of us weren't born rich and privileged." Finally, he moved to an empty seat, but when he made eye contact with me he shook his head and said, "Women can be so self-centered."

Yeah, so can asshats with luggage.

Then there was a really bratty private school kid with possibly his older sister. I see a lot of private school kids on the Red Line, and many of them are rambunctious and rude. In this case, the younger kid who looked about 7 or 8 was climbing all over the seats while he teenager sister was yelling at him to stop. All he did was mock her, laugh, and generally act monkey-like in his taunting. Finally, one of her attempts to grab him worked, and she pulled him across the seat, pulled down his pants, and spanked the hell out of him. The kid just said, "Oh yeah. Uh huh. I like dat! Smack my ass!" Her blows were weak and ineffective, and finally the kid wiggled away, even more hyper. He started doing a dance out of her reach, and then started jumping on the seats. Not two seconds after I thought, "God's going to take care of this one," the kid slipped and fell ON HIS THROAT over a handlebar on the back of the seat.

His tune changed quickly. He started to cough and then cry. His sister came over to look at him, but he jerked away, gasping. Then they got off at Fort Totten, so I am not sure how badly he was hurt. But as they left, she was saying, "I told you not to do that. I told you you'd get hurt, but you're such a stupid ass you don't even listen to anything!"

Fun day! Posted in: angst , bad moods , metro , rant

Man, today was one of those days... (Punkadyne Labs (Punkwalrus))

... that I wish Metro Rail had bathrooms. Nothing like getting a delayed allergic reaction to... something while the train stops for no explained reason at all between Takoma and Silver Spring. Before the train just sat on the tracks for 15 minutes, I thought I could wait until I got to work. But then it just stopped and waited, and waited, and then once in a while the conductor would come on the loudspeaker and go, "Lalala station lalalalala..." I mean, if you're going to mumble into the loudspeaker like a drunk and sleeping frat guy passed out on your couch, why bother? I thought I was going to explode and do something I hadn't done since I was four right on the train.

There have been a few times I have been forced to get off at Union Station and go through their mall to deal with such emergencies. I call it "Metro's $3.00 toilet fee" because that's how much it costs to get off at Union Station, exit, plow through MARC commuters, do my business, and then get back on to finish my journey to work.

Because I had to hold it so long, I think I broke something. My tummy plumbing is all bent up and sore. Ow... Posted in: bathrooms , metro , toilet

Santa hat (Punkadyne Labs (Punkwalrus))

Working Christmas Eve

Yes, I am at work. We get off early at 2pm today, which threw a monkey wrench into takayla's day. Right now, as I type this, a bunch of my work mates have gone to get Chinese food. I leave at 2:30 so I can get a ride home.

The Metro was virtually deserted this morning, and I am not surprised. I had forgotten that being in a car with only a few people is kind of nice. Normally my 7am commute is packed to the walls with bitter and angry government workers. I am lucky that I get to sit most of the time. It's because I get on at Vienna, and sometimes the car doesn't fill up before I get to it. But two stops down, it's standing room only. And on some days, notably when it rains or the train has been slow, by Ballston, about 4 stops down, the cars become too packed to get more people on. The Metro simply cannot handle the riders it has anymore. How do they handle this increased business? Why increase their fares, of course. :(

I wore a Santa hat to work. anyarm, who gave me a ride to work, screamed, "SANTAAAA!!" and hugged me, which was a great way to start the morning. ALSO, Mars is the closest to Earth until 2016, and I showed her and Brian Mars, Venus, and the full moon in the morning dawn. Mars is so close and bright, you can tell it's orange. Venus, as always, is a dirty white due to its high albedo. I also explained a little about the ecliptic path. I wish I had become an astronomer sometimes :(. Posted in: astronomy , christmas , fares , mars , metro , moon , santa , venus

CR so far (Punkadyne Labs (Punkwalrus))

CR is doing worse slightly, so they have upped the steroids and the doctor approved him for 6 months homebound schooling. They have some theories as to what it is, and think it might be a medicine they need to put him on (and forgot), or it might be a severe mold issue. They took a lot of blood out of him for testing allergen counts as well as deep allergy testing purposes (they can't do a skin reaction on him because of the steroids). He is going to have a CT scan for his lungs instead of just his head. Now we just have to convince the school to agree to home schooling, and we're set as far as that goes. I suspect CR will lose his job which he only had for a few weeks, but oh well. :(

He is going to move into my den. The cleaning of my den is going very badly. I had so much packed in here, that it's unfolding in mess like unwadding a tight ball of paper in the fact it covers more space with the same amount of stuff. I have generated 5 bags of trash, packed several storage bins, and it still looks like I have done very little. It's really depressing.

Lastly, an apology might be in order. Sorry, patches023, but I was late getting home and I abruptly left you while rushing for the train. It sounded like you ran into someone saying goodbye to me, and a nasty exchange ensued between him and you. I hope that wasn't your voice, and it was some other woman's, but if I caused you to run into that guy, I deeply apologize. I also apologize for sort of ending our conversation in mid sentence when I realized that I needed to be on that train. I am scatterbrained on the Metro, ask mysticpaws. It was nice seeing you, though! Posted in: asthma , cr , hospital , medical , mess , metro , room

Waking dream (Punkadyne Labs (Punkwalrus))

I debated posting this. I hope no one freaks out.

During the summer, I don't usually wear my music player because I usually don't have a place to put it (in the winter, it fits in my coat pocket: my torso is too tall to clip it on my waist), but this time I was using my jogger's arm strap because I really just didn't want to face people. It all started when some dude was trying to bum money off of me on the Red Line, and got all bent out of shape that I didn't have any, and felt the need to explain to everyone that I was like every other rich white man trying to keep his people DOWN... whatever, dude. Nobody else seemed to pay attention to him, thankfully, and he shut up when a guy in a Metro vest came on board and then exited at Union Station. So I put on my jogger's armband and just rushed onto the Orange Line.

Sadly, there was no place to sit because there had been another breakdown earlier, and everything was backed up. Somebody in our car was "baking brownies" as Eric Cartman once put it. Waves of poo-gas wafted about we all tried to find the source of the phantom windbreaker. Whomever it was got off at East Falls Church.

I was trying to be in my own little world, listening to techno on my MP3 player, and even though I was standing up, I think I kind of dozed off. As I watched out the window to I-66 (the train runs parallel to a major highway), I swore I started to see waves of people walking down the tracks. Not workers, but people dressed like a random assortment of citizens from 1970 to the present day. I remember thinking, "These are the spirits of all the people who have died along this road. They are all walking to DC for tomorrow. What happens tomorrow?" But then as I realized I was seeing hundreds of ghosts whiz by, and wondered if they weren't heading towards something as much as fleeing away from something else I was heading towards, I snapped awake, and didn't see anyone anymore.

I know it was a daydream, but it felt so real. After spending some time freaked out about it, I remembered tomorrow is the 6th anniversary of the biggest attack on mainland US soil by foreigners since the War of 1812. Hope you all make it through. Posted in: 11 , 9 , dc , ghosts , metro

Oh, what a horrible Metro ride (Punkadyne Labs (Punkwalrus))

First of all, the Red Line was crowded. It's not usually crowded. Okay, I can deal, because at least there were some seats. So at Metro Center, I got off to hop on the Orange Line. Ooh! It's there, I run in the door just in the nick of time. I'll have to stand but...

... and we just sit there. For like 10 minutes. This means by the time the doors close, the train is packed. Okay, whatever. This happens more than it should with no given reason, but the Metro is breaking down, so I should be glad it didn't derail.

OOOH! Spoke too soon. Halfway down the tunnel, the car stops.

A woman who I assumed was French Canadian (accent) was with two children. One was a fairly well-behaved girl about age 7, and the other was a boy about 3-4. Due to the girl's conversation, we learn the boy had not slept in over two days since they flew in. Detained at security.

Hello, Canada! Now, bend over...

Okay, that's not what they said happened, but apparently customs was a nightmare, and had detained them for no reason for some length of time that caused them to arrive at their hotel at 2am when they got to the airport 10am the previous day.

The young boy was CRANKY. Let's just say those who have children know what lack of sleep can do to someone that age. Oh, hell, those on FanTek security knows what that does to people; fuzzface00 once followed me around asking me to smell his shoes. "No, really! Something smells bad, Grig! I am worried!" Of course, I am not innocent. I once ran a 16 hour security shift after not sleeping for two days and had to be put to bed. Needless to say, I felt like that little Quebec crier from time to time. I had kids, a screaming tot can be tuned out, and the last thing that poor mother (who was doing all the could) needs is someone telling her to shut that...

... oh, sir. That was unnecessary. Yes, some asshat in a blue buttondown short sleeve and government ID asked her if she wouldn't mind and shut her damn kid up. If I wouldn't have had to cut through 8 people, I might have have roundhouse-kicked that balding four-eyed sonofabitch. His face, pressed to the floor with my foot, would be forced to apologize like an angry goldfish, in French, to that woman. Oh, I'd make sure he pronounced anything with an "eu" perfectly or... he loses a tooth... each retry.

Sadly, that did seem to quiet the kid immediately. And thus, anti-social behavior is reinforced. Wonderful.

So we sat in uncomfortable silence while the conductor said about every 5 minutes "there is a train ahead of us, we'll be moving momentarily." That took like 20 minutes. We got to Farragut West, and then sat there for about 10 more minutes, with the additional comment that a train up ahead had "mechanical difficulty." There was a 10 minute pause, and then suddenly, "THIS TRAIN IS NOW OUT OF SERVICE. PLEASE EXIT THE TRAIN!"

Repeat. Flash lights.

Of course, it was very hard to get off the train because the platform was at full capacity. I mean, there was nowhere to go. The platform was already full when we got there. I managed to find a space near the escalator, but I could go no further.

"[mumble mumble] Orange Line [mumble mumble] [mumble mumble] direction of Vienna [mumble mumble] shuttle bus [mumble mumble] [mumble mumble] blue line [mumble mumble] mechanical difficulty [mumble mumble] [mumble mumble] exits [mumble mumble] fnord [mumble mumble] Rossyln."

SHIT! What did she say? Get that gum out of your mouth, you underpaid tart! I was stuck in a huge group of people almost a full head shorter than I, mostly older women and Asians. And being the tallest, they all asked me if I could hear what they were saying? No. Stop asking! The acoustics in Metro stations are abysmal, because they echo like they are in a cement tube... wait, they ARE!

Nobody could hear the announcements. "SPEAK UP!" I heard someone scream. The voice actually paused, but then more [mumble mumble] confirmed it was probably a coincidence. The platform was like a sea of people all held up by friction like too many Q-Tips in a jar.

Finally, a train comes. Blue Line, damn. That lingers for about 10 minutes. A man dressed like Louis Farrakan is sweating profusely in the humid stale air, shouting into a cell phone for someone to wait for him. Then an Orange Line comes. Of course, it's packed like a can of sardines. There's no way another person can fit in this car. And I have been through this before: it takes several trains to find one with room because of the backup.

Sadly, or luckily, a door on the train opens right in front of me. I had no intention of going on because I was met with a wall of sweat-soaked shirt backs. But the crowd behind me had other plans. I was forced in like a Tokyo Subway while I had memories of the 1979 Who Concert in Cincinnati. I mean, I was crushed so hard into the car, I could barely exhale. The train operator said "THERE ARE PLENTY OF CARS BEHIND US, PLEASE DO NOT CROWD THE CAR..." but some people just had to get on the car to rush to their dialysis, I suppose.

I am not claustrophobic, thank GOD, but after being crushed for several stops, and being in humid, stale air, my asthma kicked in. My left leg went numb. My back ACHED. My right ankle (the bad one) groaned and creaked in protest. The train went very slow, due to the huge weight I am sure, and I am also sure we were so top-heavy, a fast turn would have tipped us over. The train rolled in scary ways and people pressed in all directions while I prayed my ankle would hold out and not start a cycle of getting re-injured like last year. And the year before. Et cetera. Somehow (thank you God) it held.

The crowd thinned around Ballston. I got to Vienna one hour and ten minutes late, putting me in that hell for over two hours in total. anyarm waited all that time for me, since she's picking me up this week. I was very grateful. Posted in: metro

FW:Mother-f$*king tourists on the subway! (Punkadyne Labs (Punkwalrus))

Man, like I know tourism brings in money to our fine city, but all these people visiting for the Fourth of July are screwing up rush hour flow something fierce. Gawk somewhere else, Zeke and Betty-Lou! Not at the top of the escalator! MOVE!!

[TxtLJ doesn't like my phone]

I posted that with TXTLJ, which rejected the first entry I tried, and then split the second into two posts.

People walking into metro cars and then STOPPING IN FRONT OF THE DOOR SO NO ONE CAN GET PAST THEM also seems to be the new fad among the flip-flop elite. Some out-of-towners seem non-plussed they have to stand, and look around at the various seats trying to find empty ones so they don't have to sit next to someone whom they don't know. I am so sorry Granmama had to sit next to the colored fella, Mr. Buzzcut with the "Kansas is God's Country" shirt, but can you get your skinny-assed preteen daughter's sweatshirted arm off my face as she presses against me to read the map? Maybe if she didn't wear soccer shorts that say "SWEETIE" across her ass, and had some meat on her bones, she wouldn't be so damn cold all the time. Posted in: angst , metro , subway , tourists