Today in Dupont circle (Punkadyne Labs (Punkwalrus))

So, today I went out to DC. Again. Which is good, because one of my goals over the next few years is to re-connect with DC since every time I go out, there's stuff that's all new and junk.

I went out with shuttergal, a childhood friend from literally kindergarten. We spoke about art, high school, mental hospitals, and a former principal we all hated. We went to and hung out at "Teasim," a kind of combination teahouse and short-order grill that served gourmet stuff. I had a really good time, and had real chai for the first time (not the fake chai I have gotten at Starbucks and Duncan Donuts). This was good for my head cold, which had my ears so clogged up, I think I was shouting a lot.

The Metro ride to and back was completely uneventful. I only point that out because it's getting rarer these days where a Metro ride to and back is uneventful. I know they were doing work on the Green, Red, and Yellow lines, but it didn't affect me.

I finished "The Last Unicorn" last night. Since I hadn't read the book since I was 10, it was almost like reading a new book, but a book that you felt was already done by somebody once. The feel of the book was very ethereal, especially towards the end, when a lot of similes and metaphors kept sloshing about. I couldn't help but wonder if the Red Bull energy drink was named after the character. It was funny what parts I remembered and what parts I had forgotten. I remembered the end pretty well, but a lot of the middle seemed like a new book. Posted in: dc , shuttergal

AAARGGHH! (Punkadyne Labs (Punkwalrus))

Man, this year just sucks more and more.

Riot Act Comedy Club has closed temporarily to become bigger and better. Sorry for any inconvenience and see you soon.

So much for Open Mic in the near future. I guess that leaves me more time to practice, but I have almost 8 separate bits written now. I am still trying to find my "character" and style, but unless I practice, I won't gain any insight into the process. Posted in: comedy , dc , standup

Comedy tonight (Punkadyne Labs (Punkwalrus))

Last night, ninjacooter and I went to The Riot Act and had a pretty good time.

First, let me tell you about where she lives; a place in DC called Columbia Heights. This is a colorful neighborhood, and I don't mean that all McLean like, "you have a fertile imagination," instead of saying, "you're a liar," I mean her neighborhood is not afraid of being what it is. Lot of people who live paycheck to paycheck.

One guy, I assume he was drunk, stumbled around the street and then just laid there. At first, I thought he was hit by a bus, because he was a body in the middle of the street, but ninjacooter suspected it was a local being a dick. And sure enough, whenever he thought he had made his point, he got up and crossed the street. He did this more than once.

Ragged locals hung out near the front of the liquor store on the corner, drinking out of bags. There was a "Chinese Food Chicken Pizza" shop across the street. The bus stop was both a place to wait for the bus and hang out and shoot the shit. I mean, it was urban, but while I felt out of place, I didn't exactly feel threatened. There was a large Hispanic presence (mercados and the like), which is always a good sign in my head of strong local cuisine. But a lot of that is going away, and I could tell even in the few hours I was there. Columbia Heights is changing all along 14th street. Slums and being torn down or converted to botiques. Large buildings are being erected with modern (for now) architecture. The memory I have of the area (1986-ish) was run down, dirty, and a little dangerous. Now, it's like watching rats looking at a wave of exterminators setting up traps. Soon, Columbia Heights will be another strip mall of yuppie consumerism, and poor people will have to find another place to go.

Also, yesterday, the AQI probably was terrible because it was VERY hard to breathe in the city. I drained my inhaler (which was low anyway). On top of that, I was impressed that the 52/53/54 line on 14th street ran every five minutes... BUT... they don't run on the schedule (as in, one comes by every 10-20 minutes, and often they are full and pass right by you because they can't fit anyone else on). Because of this, a bus passed by us late at night, and two passed by is this morning. So I'll reinstate that Metro sucks. Coincidentally, there was a standup comic that night who was a Metro Bus driver, and it's apparent that being a bus driver for Metro also sucks.

So, ninjacooter stopped off at the bus stop, and to save money, we hoofed it to her house about 4 blocks away. It was damn hot and dreary, soul-sucking humid. By the time we got to her house, I was really blue in the lips. But I recovered quickly, we got back on the 14th Street bus and went the other way to the Riot Act in DC. Well, first, I had some food at Fresh Fields (honeydew and palm hearts), and then we went down to the Riot Act.

The Riot Act is a small white building with a glass front and a railing that separates the cafe sidewalk portion from the rest of the sidewalk. There's a jazz club upstairs, and the comedy club is downstairs. The downstairs is dark and cozy, with wobbly tables, stackable chairs, and a small platform with three halogen bulbs that act as a stage and spotlight. The whole place is the size of the lower floor of my house. There's a bar that serves basic drinks, but it's not fancy at all. The whole thing has a feel like someone did this setup in their basement.

The owner, John (I think), came to our table as soon as ninjacooter and I sat down. He introduced himself, and explained his club a little. It's a recent thing; he bought out this part of the jazz club because he used to be one of the franchise owners of the DC Improv, but felt it had gone too professional. He said he wanted to have a venue where local comics could try out in a friendly atmosphere. He apologized that the kitchen wasn't open, but there was a Thai place right next door we could order from. ninjacooter got a Coke, I stayed with nothing.

The comics were good. The Emcee was funny, and I'd say more than half of the acts were professional level or better. Some comedians were roll-on-the-floor funny. Steve Gallagher was one of them. There were a few comics who were rough, usually with timing and delivery.

There was one guy, some guy from Sudan, who worked on a cruise ship for a while. He was terrible. Such comedic potential in a bit, and not only was his delivery bad, but his jokes were so overdone. White men can't dance. Okay. Drunk people can't dance, too. Okay. Drunk white people... really can't dance. I wish he had went elsewhere with that. His bit started with "I wondered why white people kept falling overboard?" That was the funniest thing he said. His theory was based on that white drunk people on a rocking boat were to blame, and... he delivered it like that in about three extra sentences. There was another act where the guy delivered his lines with such insincerity, it was just not received well by the audience.

And so far, I have come up with this theory on comedic performances: any successful act must excel in at least two of three aspects: material, timing, and delivery. Material is the core text of the joke, timing is when you say certain things, and delivery is how you say them. If you are weak in two or more of those things, you won't be funny.

I took some notes for when I am on stage.

1. Bring your own bottle of water or Mountain Dew. Some guys brought cups, and one guy spilled his.
   
2. Don't wear anything shiny. One guy had chromed dog tags that shot points of blindness around the room.
   
3. Make eye contact with the audience, and not just one girl you think is pretty.
   
4. The stage is hot and humid. Prepare appropriately with a rag or lots of antiperspirant.
   
5. Don't mumble or speak too fast. There were some acts that I only heard half of because the guy mumbled.
   
6. Have an end or wrap up for your act. Half the comedians just stopped abruptly, sad thank you, and left. At least end with, "That's my time, I think you for listening..."

Yeah, we're going back a few times. I'll let you know when we perform.

Anyhoo, after two buses passed us because they were full or late, we took a cab back home. We were exhausted; ninjacooter was going to do a reading for me, but we ended up going to sleep. I had an inflatable mattress, but it sagged all night.

I got to meet the BGW! But he was doing cybersex with some homo in Texas or something, and refused to speak to me! ;) I also got to meet his Persian Puss. So now I can say that BGW does actually exist, and I have finally met djkangal's brother.

The morning commute was okay. Columbia Heights to Metro was about 30 minutes, even though it was only six blocks. If I thought I could have made the trip without sweating and stinking at work, I would have done so. I could have done that trip in 10; it's downhill, too.

Definitely doing this again! Soon! Posted in: club , columbia heights , comedy , dc , open mic , riot act , standup

Waking dream (Punkadyne Labs (Punkwalrus))

I debated posting this. I hope no one freaks out.

During the summer, I don't usually wear my music player because I usually don't have a place to put it (in the winter, it fits in my coat pocket: my torso is too tall to clip it on my waist), but this time I was using my jogger's arm strap because I really just didn't want to face people. It all started when some dude was trying to bum money off of me on the Red Line, and got all bent out of shape that I didn't have any, and felt the need to explain to everyone that I was like every other rich white man trying to keep his people DOWN... whatever, dude. Nobody else seemed to pay attention to him, thankfully, and he shut up when a guy in a Metro vest came on board and then exited at Union Station. So I put on my jogger's armband and just rushed onto the Orange Line.

Sadly, there was no place to sit because there had been another breakdown earlier, and everything was backed up. Somebody in our car was "baking brownies" as Eric Cartman once put it. Waves of poo-gas wafted about we all tried to find the source of the phantom windbreaker. Whomever it was got off at East Falls Church.

I was trying to be in my own little world, listening to techno on my MP3 player, and even though I was standing up, I think I kind of dozed off. As I watched out the window to I-66 (the train runs parallel to a major highway), I swore I started to see waves of people walking down the tracks. Not workers, but people dressed like a random assortment of citizens from 1970 to the present day. I remember thinking, "These are the spirits of all the people who have died along this road. They are all walking to DC for tomorrow. What happens tomorrow?" But then as I realized I was seeing hundreds of ghosts whiz by, and wondered if they weren't heading towards something as much as fleeing away from something else I was heading towards, I snapped awake, and didn't see anyone anymore.

I know it was a daydream, but it felt so real. After spending some time freaked out about it, I remembered tomorrow is the 6th anniversary of the biggest attack on mainland US soil by foreigners since the War of 1812. Hope you all make it through. Posted in: 11 , 9 , dc , ghosts , metro

Greg Behrendt and friends (Punkadyne Labs (Punkwalrus))

I swear none of this is a lie! Should that be a disclaimer? Well, if I was a liar, I'd be lying anyway, so...

This weekend, we went to the DC Improv to see Greg Behrendt. "We" was a clan of people, with me and takayla, anyarm and Brian, cyaneyed James, and mysticpaws. Brad was supposed to join us, but he got the flu.

I was in poor form that night. I got our band lost on the way there, and then abruptly left mysticpaws as we left without saying goodbye. I am sorry, mysticpaws, I was scatterbrained and plain rude.

The venue was pretty good. It seems the Improv is packing people in tighter and tighter as the years go by. Even though we had good seats (thanks to takayla ordering early, we were one row behind the stage), the tables and surrounding crowd made it difficult to use the table. Seven of us were packed around two tables the size of large dinner plates, and there was a "two item minimum" which had me paying $8.95 for a quesadilla and $2.50 for a Diet Pepsi. yeah, I know, that's about normal for such venues, but its irritating nonetheless.

The acts were pretty good. They had a girl named "EJ" who was the Emcee and did a 20 minute routine of her own. She was pretty good; she had a good set. Then there was a Chris Fairbanks, who was hit and miss with his "stream of consciousness" style of comedy. I think half the time he lost us as an audience, but there were peaks of his funniness that really hit the mark and I was laughing hysterically. I kept feeling like he needed more polish before he performed his act. Greg was the main act, and he went on for about an hour and a half. I heard half his jokes before, and some of his relationship humor played on unfair stereotypes of men and women, but as I have always found, that stuff sells. He projected a great confidence, and looked damn good. He is one handsome man in person. Some of his new stuff was good, too. My favorite was the guy that should be in your head to stop making drunk-dial calls to ex-girlfriends. I won't spoil it, go buy his DVD "Uncool."

On the way back, we met some VERY drunk mundanes; two of them were bleeding because they were wearing spiked heels and fell several times. Most of them couldn't have been over 22 years of age. Posted in: behrendt , comedy , dc , improv