how to drive a pregnant woman insane in 10 easy steps (Never melts (meef)) by jen

1. call her up and ask if she's scheduled those biophysicals yet.

What? I don't know anything about that. Oh, didn't the dr talk to you about it at your last appointment. Uh.. no. YOU were standing right there, too. Oh. Well I'll have him call you. After much mental bitching about questionable protocol at that office, The nice dr himself actually called me from his cell phone. 1x weekly biophysical profile, 1x weekly monitoring sessions. You have a ton of extra fluid in there, and we don't know why. Wouldn't this be something that might have been noted earlier than my last appointment, considering the ultrasound results came in on the 12th?

2. Let her google hydroamnios, scare crap out of herself in the process.

Hey, I have every symptom on this list, but no one put it together but this last guy? Where was he the whole time? I could kiss him. For acting like a doctor.

3. Keep her prescription hostage, forcing her to call all over creation to try to get it transfered or get a new one.

I have had trouble filling this prescription for 7 years now. When will it end? I called the pharmacy that holds it, who is out of stock "for the indeterminate future" and will not give it to me or allow it to be transfered to the supermarket pharmacy I go to now. Supermarket pharmacy chick snapped her gum in my ear and said there's squat she can do. Call the doctor, ask her to write a new one or call it in to supermarket pharmacy. Secretary says she'll do that.

2 hours later, secretary calls back and says some things I don't understand.

"can you please talk louder? I really can't hear you."
"I am talking louder."

(I swear I've had that exact conversation with that bitch before.)

"you can't get your drugz unless you go see the dr again." "but I had FOUR REFILLS left till I had to go in again." "I don't care, I'm just telling you what she said."

4. Insist the next available appointment isn't until November.

this is kind of important, and I'm out, having run out in the reasonable time I allotted for the refill to come in the mail. Can't you just call it in in the meantime?

5. No

6. Suddenly have an appointment available after pregnant woman throws a hissy fit which involves the words "I'm pregnant. I don't need this shit."

Tomorrow.

7. Act like a turd when asked to fax a referral to another doctor.

I mean, they wouldn't advertise that they have fax machines then, right? I was also informed that "normally this takes 3-4 business days, but I will do it for you JUST THIS ONCE, not in the future, okayyy?" You know how people say "okay" really slowly, like you're a brain damaged elephant who just peed on the floor "let's not do that again, okayyy?" I don't have the mental energy to really do anything about it so I just... laugh. Okay whatever.

8. Threaten to cancel newly assigned appointment if that referral isn't there "by the time I leave today."

"well, um, what time are you leaving?" "I don't know yet."

9. Inform patient she cannot under any circumstances let her referral go anywhere with anyone other than her, even her HUSBAND, for whom said office is conveniently on his way home.

sigh. morons.

10. Leave her to wonder whether prescription and hydroamnios issues are related. Posted in: addict , cranky , drugz , junkie , prego