i've noted previously how i discover new relatives every few months. this is to be expected, as i have a significant number of aunts and uncles, who have spawned a ridiculous number of first cousins and second cousins. since visiting the philippines, i've met for the first time

so nothing out of the ordinary. but on these trips, never before had i met...MY OWN DAUGHTER?!?!

luckily, she looks nothing like me

now some of you may be wondering where babies come from. well here is the answer to that question, but seriously, this isn't the time or the place. the relevant question is:

how is anastasia my daughter?

many flips temporarily leave their families while they go abroad on contract jobs in other countries. this is done to provide monetary support for their families back in the motherland. noel is one of those flips.

as it turns out, i have a kuya noel. as we've seen, while flips are very creative with their nomenclature, after the first 100 kids, you just start running out of names. anyway, he has a couple daughters: laika and anastasia. when we visited, anastasia didn't like calling me 'kuya noel'. she knew her dad's name was noel, and the title didn't fit in her mind. so she decided to call me 'papa noel' instead. since her parents weren't with her, she effectively her adopted me as her father.

now i can tell that you are asking yourself:

through what miracle of God has an undeserving child been conferred the honor of holding this singular vision of beauty, this beacon of light, this quintessence of aesthetic perfection, in a 7x11 glass frame?

every holiday season, my mother will choose new and exciting ways of torturing her children and nephews/nieces. this time around, my mom decided to take some of my college graduation pictures and distribute them to my little cousins. actually, she asked me to sign them first. so now, in the philippines, there is a generation of children running around with my picture, idolizing it.

seriously mom, i can barely take care of all my fans here in the united states.

for some reason, i get along well with kids. it could be due to any number of reasons. maybe it's because i think like a kid. or i buy them ice cream. or maybe it's because i'm like a foot taller than most filipinos. this enables the kids to swing from my arms and jump on my shoulders. i'm basically a walking jungle gym. or maybe because of my exaggerated height, i'm like barney the dinosaur without the purple skin color. but maybe if i start drinking...

3 days ago, i hear word from the motherland. my mom sends me an e-mail:

Your Tita Marilou just called. She called Tita Lilia last night …. Little Anastacia is sad …. Kissing your picture. She asked, “where is my Papa Noel”, “why did he leave me?” “Where does he live?”

a father for only 10 days and now i'm already a deadbeat dad! i do feel bad for her though. i mean, if i left me, i don't know what i would do.